Christ In Me

"In face of the strong wind, he was afraid and began to sink. So he cried out, "Lord, save me!" - Matthew 14:30

In Galatians 2:19, Saint Paul writes, "it is no longer I who live, but Christ in me." I can't explain to you how I wish I could see myself beaten down and put against every type of adversity, like Paul, and still be able to stay in the peace of the Lord, saying that I have died to my fears, my worries, my insecurities, and my life is lived for and by Christ. Instead, at times I find myself more broken than before, lonelier that before. At times I feel so much like Peter. I want to walk on water towards Jesus, but what I end up doing is perceiving Him to be further away than He is. I only see the huge waves and the rough winds pushing me down, wearing me down. And it hurts that my faith is not as strong as I'd want it to be, or thought it was. Like a lost child, I find myself crying out to God, just like Peter did for the Lord to help my poor little faith. Yet, although I have such a long way to go, I have to remember that I'm on a journey with a beginning, an end, and sooo many bumps and rough patches on the way…it doesn't mean I'll never get there though. On the water, I'm feeling so lost, so helpless and I can't see God because I'm too focused on my fear and the waves around me. I long to be like Paul, beaten, persecuted, hated, and yet so full of joy, full of peace, not alone but in the company of Jesus Christ. No matter what came at him, Paul rejoiced and God made His presence known in Him. But my own faith is weak and I pray that Jesus hears my cry for help and brings me to walk on the water with Him to a place where the storm within me is quiet and I can also say that it is not I who live, but Christ in me.

Today's Prayer:
Lord God, please don't take into account my lack of faith, but the pain it causes me to know that I am not as strong as I thought and that I have let You down. Jesus, just as You raised up Peter, raise me up. Transform me on my journey to walk through the valley of the shadow of death and have You live in me. In Your Name we pray, amen.