Be Vulnerable

"And He said to them, 'My soul is filled with sorrow even to death. Remain here and stay awake with me.'" - Matthew 26:38

I learned something very painful today - the importance of making myself vulnerable. As you may know, I'm taking a course in ministry and the first topic we're learning is called Redemptive Listening. Today was my second class and the teacher made us partner up randomly with someone I never met before and start to tell them something personal about myself, an experience about listening. As I'm talking to this total stranger, that familiar knot emerged in my throat and I had to swallow and try to fight back tears! I don't know about you, but I feel that in today's society, we're taught to suck it up and just deal. We talk to people on a superficial level but our true feelings, our true emotions - the reasons for our happiness, our fears, or insecurities, we keep locked up for no one to access or even know exist. What made me choke up was that I was in a situation in which that person was solely there to listen to me and how I felt - not through emails or IMs, but face to face making eye contact. I realized that I never really do this! I never really communicate with people! Most of the time if we "vent," we spill out what frustrates us and then we say, "ok! Thanks for letting me vent" and then we end there. If we're upset with someone, we give them the silent treatment or try to "get over it." If we get together with people, we laugh and crack jokes, but do we ever discuss our feelings? How many times do we actually sit with someone, someone who is there to only listen to us and not interrupt with stories of their own life, and truly and deeply express our feelings…making it about ourselves at that moment and not about anyone else? This may seem selfish, but we really do need this…we need this to heal and to be healthier emotionally. I had no idea I had some things bottled up like this to the point it made me cry. While you express these things, you become aware of things you didn't even know you felt.

In this verse, Jesus is making Himself extremely vulerable. Right before He was arrested, He went to pray in the garden of Gethsemane and He told His apostles to stay with Him because His soul was filled with sorrow even to death. What does this mean to you? Read between the lines and see that Jesus is actually saying, "please stay with me, I feel lonely, I'm afraid, don't leave me alone." If Jesus, who we are supposed to emulate made Himself vulnerable by expressing His feelings, we need to do the same. And if Jesus, who is also God, couldn't bare to keep His feelings to Himself, no matter how personal and intimate they are, neither should we.

It's so hard to do and right now I'm struggling with it, but when I opened up to that stranger today, the peace and release that came from that was amazing. It's all about the journey, not about immediate results. Sometimes we're looking for God to heal us, but it is also in letting these things out that He brings peace to our hearts. Pray about this and make Jesus your example in being vulnerable.

Today's Prayer:
Lord Jesus, I try to keep what I'm feeling to myself and today You're telling me it's not good for me. Just as You did, I need to be open about my feelings and let others see my vulnerability as much as that scares me. Please be with me and help me through this. Place in my path people that can listen to me, as well as people I can listen to. In Your Name we pray, amen.