On Marriage

"As for you, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her." - Ephesians 6:25

I've intentionally stopped writing for a while, not because I've "dropped the ball" on God, but because I feel He's been calling me to change directions a bit. I've been married for almost 3 months now and it's been the most life-changing experience I've ever had and it's also the ministry I feel the Lord has been calling me to. I've written about Ephesians before based upon what I've learned about marriage from the Church and what my family values have taught me, but now for the first time I can write about this verse from my own experience.

I was dating my husband for five years before we got married and I knew I loved him and he loved me, but the moment I stood on that altar hand in hand with him, my definition of love completely changed. Before, I would do things for him and he would do things for me. I think that we learn through society and the media that we should be kind to those who love us and treat us well, and when it comes to relationships, we should be with a partner who takes care of us. But the moment I looked Alex in the eyes before God, the "me" disappeared. I have never in my life felt such a huge sense of responsibility. It was and has been a challenge for me to overcome any selfishness and completely give of myself to him.

Saint Paul writes here that husbands should love their wives like Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her. While he did address this to the men, I think it suits any married person to make this verse their personal goal in their lives, always meditating on it to have a blessed and successful marriage. If we think in our relationships that the other should do as much for us as we do for them, it will fail. If we think that just because we always give and give and give and our partner always takes and takes that we have the right to get angry and ignore them and fight, the marriage will fail. The second that we give in to thinking, "what do they do for me? I do this and I do that and they never show me any consideration," that's the second your marriage will suffer. Why? Because the vows we make have nothing at all to do with how the other person treats us. On that altar we promise to take care of that person and that means looking at love as something beyond butterflies and hugs and kisses, and as a challenge to make our partner a better person, especially when it means swallowing our pride for their sake. We never promised to give unless they stopped giving, but we promised to always love. And I'm not saying it's fair to put up with feeling neglected and unappreciated, I'm saying that for your part, think like Christ and how He loves us. We forget Him, take Him for granted, even curse Him and betray Him with our sins, but Jesus always loves, heals, forgives, and waits for us… and what do we ever have to do in return? Nothing.
And many times, whether we want to admit it or not, we have a lot of fault for our spouse's indifference. Sure they might have done something first, but in our reaction, do we belittle them and make them feel like we don't even want them around? Maybe all they want is more love, affection, and understanding from us. Forgetting about the "me" can go a long way if we put on the mind of Christ and love our spouse like He loves us. Easier said than done - yes - but nothing that comes easily is usually worth the effort.

Today's Prayer:
Father in Heaven, You created marriage to be a good thing for man and woman, show us what it means to love how Jesus loves us. Teach us Father that happiness doesn't depend on what is being done for us, but how much we can give of ourselves to make the one we love happy. In Jesus' Name we pray, amen.