Cleanse Me of Guilt

"In your great compassion, blot out my sin. Wash me thoroughly of my guilt; cleanse me of evil. For I acknowledge my wrongdoings and have my sins ever in mind." - Psalm 51:3-5

Have you ever caused someone pain and the fault is entirely yours? It's one of the worst feelings ever. It really eats away at you and you wonder how you could ever make it better. This is a tough situation and if you're lucky, the person will forgive you, but how can you forgive yourself? King David sinned greatly against God when he committed adultery and had the woman's husband killed. When his eyes were open to what he had done, in his remorse, he wrote this psalm. This is what we need sometimes, right? For God to help us forgive ourselves, for God to just come in and completely cleanse us of the pain, the shame, and the self-hate. No matter what you've done, God wants to help you forgive yourself. With a truly repented heart, David went to God, bowed down before Him because he knew God was the only one who could help. Trust in God like David trusted in God. Ask God to cleanse you… ask God to create a new heart in you like He did for David. We are called to repentance, but God doesn't want us to punish ourselves by holding on to guilt.

Today's Prayer:
My Jesus, search my heart and see that I am repented. I know I have sinned and the weight of that sin is pressing down too heavily upon my heart. Please help me release it. As You did for David, create in me a new heart and I will be white as snow. In Your Name we pray, amen.

Held Accountable

"If any of you should cause one of these little ones who believe in me to stumble and fall, it would be better for you to be thrown into the depths of the sea with a great millstone around your neck." - Matthew 18:6

In January I held a prayer group because I felt God telling me to organize it. I put it off for a bit but He kept insisting. It took a lot out of me to put together because I'm a shy person and didn't want to harass people into attending, although I knew God had a purpose for everyone there. Tonight, my mom told me she bumped into someone whose daughter had attended that night. I don't know the girl. Someone else had invited her. Her mother told my mom that she was transformed that night. She received such a special call from God that all she wants to do is pray, go to church, and read the bible now. Although this is really great news, it scared me. God kept insisting that I put this together and it took so much out of me to silence myself and let Him work. It took so much out of me to even stand before people to talk about my faith. What if I hadn't listened and this young girl, a stranger, would have never received the love of God that night? But more importantly, on the night, God was able to act because I prayed and let myself be guided by Him, but how about who I am 95% of the time? How about who I am when I'm not praying as much? How about the Audrey that gets cranky with my brothers and is quick to snap when things don't go my way? What kind of example do I set then? The girl is just one person who I won over for God because I was praying so much, and I wouldn't have even known about her if my mom hadn't seen her mom. But I wonder how many people I have led into sin when I'm far from God and don't listen to Him. One offense, one bad word, one bad example could have led so many to sin and I would never know, but God knows and I'm sure He's keeping count. Ninety-five percent of the time I'm not who God wants me to be and I'm ashamed of that. Ninety-five percent of the time I could be causing others to sin and that is not acceptable to me.

If there are any of you that are hurt or offended by anything I've done, I am deeply sorry. Sometimes our own ignorance and insecurities lead us to harm people and we never even know it. Please know that if I've ever done anything to any of you, it's been because of my own faults, and I apologize from the bottom of my heart. I'm ashamed of a lot of things I've said, done, and thought, and hope you pray for me as God continues to mold me.

My prayer for tonight is that each of you meditate on your own actions and see if you think you've led people towards God or away from God by the examples you've set. Sometimes it's not the people we live with who we influence the most, but those whose lives we affect when casually walking by. We never realize how the smallest action or gesture on our part can significantly affect the soul of another person. I've heard that in the final judgment, God will show each of us all the souls that were lost and all the souls that were won because of us. Please pray so that we can correct the mistakes and offenses we've made and can work to bring the love of God to those who need His mercy. I ask this in Jesus' Name, amen.

Ever Feel Ashamed of Admitting You Pray and Follow Jesus?

"If the world hates you, remember that the world hated me before you. This would not be so if you belonged to the world, because the world loves its own. But you are not of the world since I have chosen you from the world; because of this the world hates you." - John 16:18-19

I find it really interesting how I can tell someone that this weekend I got really wasted and hooked up with some random person at a club and then didn't even remember any of it. They would probably be like, "haha, awesome!" But if instead I said, "I spent the weekend praying. I went to church, prayed the rosary and spent time with Jesus who loves me and also loves you," that person will most likely make a face and give me a dry "oh…cool," and then think I'm out of my mind.

This is what Jesus meant when He said that the world hates us. By the world He meant those that don't believe in Him or those that refuse to believe and live according to their own desires. But we are of God. We were chosen and have chosen to live according to His will, therefore our actions must be different and for that we will be made fun of and mocked. Whether you see it or not, Satan will incite those in the world to hate us, to try to bring us down and make us believe that we're losing out by following God. There are more people that will knock us down because we don't want to follow the pleasures of the flesh (drugs, sex, alcohol) instead of encouraging us to follow the faith. It's part of our nature to want to be cool, to want to be liked, and our hope in God can die so easily by having others make fun of us for admitting we want to pray and go to church and follow the commandments. So many of us feel ashamed to even admit we really love Jesus. Sometimes, even I'm embarrassed on the train to pray and make the sign of the cross in front of others, but in Luke 9:26, Jesus says, "If someone feels ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in His glory and in the glory of His Father with His holy angels."

So, you know what? I don't care what people think about me, even if they want to think I'm crazy or a hypocrite. I don't care if anyone thinks I'm boring because I'd rather spend a Saturday night at home praying to my Lord instead of being out in a club. I love the Lord, my God, no matter who tries to put me down, and I will not be embarrassed or ashamed of the fact that I know He has called me and I pray that you act each and every day with the same conviction to proclaim that the Lord, our God, is your savior!

Today's Prayer:
Lord Jesus, forgive me for the times I have ignored You out of embarrassment. I choose today to let others know of my love for You no matter if they mock me or put me down. You have given me more joy than anything else. Help me to stay firm day after day. In Your Name we pray, Amen.